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Pepsi Acquisition Flops as Team Remains in Peril

5/17/2022

2 Comments

 
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You wouldn't know it from the calm demeanor of the Pepsi squad veterans, but something is amiss inside the club locker room. While tensions haven't completely boiled over, a hint of steam can plunge nostrils of anyone who happens to pass by the congregation of teammates. The issue isn't just a simple one, as the team captain and General Manager, Jeff Foxx, certainly has some pressing issues brought to his desk (aka the patio table) at the end of the prior week concerning the future of Pepsi. The comradery of the club was strong, and still remains fortified on the surface, but much like California it appears that under the surface there may be some plates shifting and moving, which could ultimately lead into a massive shakeup. 
"We need to be better," Foxx boldly stated, as he was shut out in his 1st two matches of the young campaign. "We had everyone we needed to get to the top, but I thought 'hey, what about a little extra firepower?'" as he recalled in his decision to accept the text message question of needing a roster spot filled. The team seemed settled, ready to go to battle and prove to the GEGL that Pepsi was the superior soft drink manufacturer and truly cement themselves in the legacy of the greatest league that St. Anne's Country Club has ever seen on Thursday nights.  
Lee Pascoe continues to be a bright spot in the Pepsi lineup, recently recording a victory in his latest match. "The damn kid didn't bring the beer," was the summary of his complaints surrounding the new acquisition, and future of the Pepsi club. "I had to go into the bar to get a beer, what the hell is that? I wanted to not have to do that. But I did. He better get some points next week, and beer." Pascoe remained adamant about the beer, while Pepsi body guard, Kracunas is thrilled to have the new addition banging on trash cans in the club house like drums to announce the new comer's arrival. *Disclaimer, it was not to announce an off-speed pitch*
As the partner of the returner's debut match for Pepsi, we were able to catch up with Underwood for comment. "You know, I see a bright future, it's there for the taking, he just needs to want it. I kept telling him 'one shot everyone knows the rules' but I'm starting to think he doesn't know the rules. Every time I said one shot, he grabbed a fireball shooter, so I'm not too sure if we're speaking the same language. The good news is it's only up from here."
The heart, soul, charisma and smile of Pepsi is Catalina, the league's self-proclaimed "best loose player." His faith in the youngster hasn't waivered, but you can tell he's concerned. "He shot a what?! All I know is that Semanie guy should really up his handicap a bunch."

As the season proceeds and the team sits in last place in the division, holding a single-digit point total on the season, Pepsi needs to begin the ascent into the rafters of the division, which is open for the taking. Livelihoods are on the line for the roster as they head into a week 5 dog fight with Constitution Cable.

"We're on to Constitution." was the team motto expressed during the Tuesday press conference. Pepsi heads into pivotal moment in the season where points have been scarce, drinks have been flowing and doubt in the rookie's commitment has been all too prevalent. Looking for a huge bounce back week from the team, Foxx and co. are set to make their re-mark on the GEGL.

2 Comments
Hambone
5/18/2022 07:17:51 am

Living rent free in your head MF’ers!! Go Pepsi!!

Reply
Puff Caddy
5/18/2022 07:39:59 am

Hey Pepsi you should change your name to 7-Up. At the end of the matches the other team’s always 7-Up🤪

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